Leadership is a balancing act, teetering between being a pushover and a tyrant – this is especially true for Xolopreneurs.
Leadership is a balancing act — especially for freelancers and solopreneurs who often manage remote collaborators or client projects. You want to be kind and supportive, but not so “nice” that your leadership loses its edge.
The truth is, being respected and being liked aren’t the same. The best leaders know how to blend empathy with accountability — and that’s exactly what we’ll explore here.
In this article, we’ll share two research-backed steps to help you stop overextending yourself, communicate with clarity, and earn lasting respect as a “nice leader.”
Quick Takeaway:
- Leadership requires balancing empathy with authority
- Don’t try to do everything yourself — delegate and set boundaries
- Avoid “therapy speak” and communicate authentically
- Earn respect through clear, fair decisions
- Being nice and being respected can coexist
Step 1: How to stop doing everything yourself as a leader
Holding yourself accountable to deadlines is daunting, particularly for those who are innately averse to pressuring others for results.
As a Xolopreneur, you may encounter situations where a freelancer may be lagging behind schedule, unable to deliver their work on time. The challenge here is finding the balance between being understanding of unforeseen circumstances that might affect their work and ensuring that the project stays on track.
A 'nice leader' may feel inclined to lighten the load of an overworked team member by shouldering some of their tasks. However, a leader's true power lies in their capacity to delegate tasks.
According to Harvard Business Review, you can maximize your time, resources, and energy as a leader by being more selective. When your involvement is requested, consider one of three responses:
- Yes. This is warranted when your leadership skills are crucial – such as for executive decisions or providing feedback.
- Yes, if. This response is apt for tasks requiring the direct involvement of another individual. You should specify that you'll only function in an advisory capacity.
- No. This is appropriate when you believe your involvement will be more impactful elsewhere.
As leaders, we often grapple with being “more essential and less involved”.
Jesse Sostrin offers a simple interpretation: "Your involvement is a mix of opportunities, mandates and choices regarding the work you do. How peripheral or crucial you are to the success of that work depends on how decisively and intelligently you engage those around you."
Want to learn how to delegate effectively as a freelancer? Check out our guide on managing remote teams.
Step 2: How to avoid empty “therapy speak” and communicate with honesty
As a leader, delivering less-than-pleasant news is part of the package. Whether it's communicating pay cuts or the cancellation of a much-anticipated virtual meetup due to budget constraints, the leader must bear the brunt.
A 'nice leader' might feel compelled to sugarcoat their words to mitigate disappointment and dodge disapproval. Phrases like, “we’re all in this together,” and “we understand that this may be challenging,” are common.
However, a survey by The Harris Poll of approximately 2000 American employees revealed that 'therapy speak' – empathetic-sounding language without appropriate follow-through – leaves employees feeling more resentful towards leadership and less enthused about their roles.
Most people value straightforward, authentic communication over therapy-speak. So, when the time comes to deliver bad news, avoid overcomplicating it or attempting to console your team preemptively. Delivering challenging news honestly and tactfully is a skill that will serve you well, even beyond professional realms.
Communicating clearly builds confidence — and trust. Read our blog "You don’t have to be an extravert to be a great leader".
FAQ: Leadership and Respect for Solopreneurs
Q1: How can I be a kind leader without being a pushover?
Set clear expectations, delegate tasks effectively, and give honest feedback — kindness doesn’t mean avoiding accountability.
Q2: What’s the biggest mistake “nice leaders” make?
Trying to please everyone. True leadership means making tough calls with empathy, not avoiding them.
Q3: How can freelancers lead teams with authority?
Communicate clearly, respect others’ time, and follow through on commitments. Reliability builds credibility.
Q4: What’s “therapy speak,” and why should leaders avoid it?
“Therapy speak” refers to overused empathetic phrases that feel hollow without action. Employees prefer authentic, direct communication.
Conclusion
Good leadership isn’t about being feared or endlessly liked — it’s about being respected.
For Xolopreneurs, that respect comes from leading with empathy and decisiveness: setting boundaries, delegating tasks, and communicating clearly, even when the message isn’t easy to deliver.
Balancing warmth with authority builds trust, loyalty, and long-term results — whether you’re leading a project, a small remote team, or your own solo business.
Leadership starts with self-awareness — and the right systems. See how Xolo helps solopreneurs focus on what matters most.
About Mark
Mark Travers, Ph.D., is an American Psychologist with degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. Xolo helps him run his online therapy practice, www.awake-therapy.me, from whatever part of the world he is currently living in.